Today is Day 17 of Wellbutrin. J came over on the night of New Years and stayed that night and tonight. I was in a bad place before she came, so she was quite the relief.

However, laying in bed, I can’t help but feel myself sinking into a bad place again. It’s been easier to fight for the past few days, but it certainly hasn’t been easy. 

Occasionally, I have a thought that makes me worry about the place I’m at. 

This depression feels like a pulsating pain. As if I’ve just had a hand cut off and I’m trying to stop the bleeding. I go back to the psychiatrist on the 5th. I’ve been thinking about what to tell her. Has it gotten better? God only knows. 

I spent New Years Eve with C in Lex. We went to Soundbar. It was an amazing night that didn’t leave me wanting. However, with the new year starting, I can’t help but miss Honduras. My craving passion for traveling is growing.

I feel surrounded by things reminding me that the world is better with someone to love. I want nothing less than to have someone to give all my love to. 

Home has felt toxic over this break, but maybe it’s just the medication. I pray this won’t be how living at home again will feel.

I pray that the New Year brings me peace – or even better, joy.



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